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Rocky Johnson's Funeral, Through The Eyes of Billy Graham

World Wrestling Entertainment :: Date: January 22nd, 2020

Our raving reporter Superstar Billy Graham went out the other day to WWF legend Rocky Johnson's funeral. Our Man on the Scene has a detailed recalling of everything that went down. So what's the haps, Soupy Graham Crackers?

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The funeral service for Rocky Johnson was held today in north Tampa, Florida.

Alright. Sounds good so far. I believe that's where his family is from, so sure.

My mother in law is friends with Rocky's wife as they would sit together at the bi -monthly wrestling reunion held in Tampa.

That sounds lovely. A couple hot young chatty cathies tonguefuckin' next to a bunch of sweathog wrestling fans. I dig it.

My wife's mom told Valerie that there were 2 low points to the service which was by invitation only with about 100 people attending.

Hey, that's twice the attendance of an Impact event.

One was by Vince, who got up to speak and said the following, "Rocky did 1 good thing in his life, he married Ata and had some kids." Then he did his "working strut" off the platform and sat down and that was it.

Damn! Did they play his music on the way out? That's how you put the exclamation point on heel heat.

Then Pat Patterson was asked to speak and said some very nice things about working with Rocky in San Fransisco, some of those matches were with me as Patterson's tag partner against The High Chief, Peter Maivia and Rocky. Then, out of no where Patterson goes into this rant and called Rocky Johnson, laying dead in the casket right below him, a mother F- er and started this vulgar rant about how worthless Rocky was and a bunch of guys had to drag Patterson off the church platform and sit him down.

Well, you know how those French homosexuals are.

So disgustingly disrespectful it's beyond words. Patterson who just turned 81 must be losing his mind literally. Only in pro wrestling folks, very sad to hear about this and I actually feel a bit ill over this bizarre behavior.

...Yeah. Anyway. So here's what I think happened. Soupy Graham Crackers was doing acid and beating off to dogs fucking white girls on the internet, then when he went to bed he had a DMT-filled dream where all this crazy shit happened.

This insane old man is desperate for attention, and I will gladly give it to him if he keeps going this insane. Love ya, Graham Graham.

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A dark humor webzine brutally mocking professional wrestling.