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Macho Man: The Randy Savage Story

World Wrestling Entertainment :: DVD Reviews :: Date: April 9th, 2019

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Oooooh yeah! It's time to snort cocaine and scream at Miss Elizabeth! This is The Randy Savage Story! A documentary about the Macho Man himself.

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The documentary opens with a shot of a spinning wheel that says "Jeep."

...and before I can even make the really tasteless joke, they're already implying that it's the same car he drove into a tree.

...and then they actually SEGUE THE WHEEL INTO NEWS STORIES ABOUT THE MACHO MAN CAR CRASH.

I shit you not.

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They then talk about Downer's Grove, which might as well be the name of this documentary because it opened with his fucking death. Talk about a major downer.

His brother is like, "Randy died too soon." Like... no shit. He drove into a fucking tree.

Randy's father achieved the world situps record without dying, so then he did one situp for every year of Jesus' life. I do something pretty similar: I drink a delicious pouch of capri sun for every delicious pouch of capri sun that I have.

Also his mom looks like a piece of lunch meat.

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Looking back at photos from her youth she was pretty cute. Why did she let that go? She just flushed it all down the toilet. It's really simple: just don't age. You don't have to if you don't want to. You need consent from gravity.

Randy Savage's old baseball coach mentions that Randy didn't smoke or drink. He's straight edge, and that means he's better than you! Oooh yeah!

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The documentary explains that Miss Elizabeth was a no good whore that Macho Man had to cart around like a slave to make sure she didn't suck 46 dicks on the way to the ring. Eventually they broke up but had to pretend they were still together, even getting fake-married.

Weirdly, right after the announcement that they were gonna get married, they cut to this straight couple who kiss each other right after. As if Macho Man and Elizabeth getting married is somehow a victory for them. It's so fucking weird. Like, "Yes! One small step for man, one giant leap for heterosexuality!"

After the buyout of WCW, Triple H called Macho Man "a fossil", which made Macho threaten to fuck Stephanie McMahon.

But depending on who you ask, some believe he already did.

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A dark humor webzine brutally mocking professional wrestling.