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WWE Elimination Chamber 2020

World Wrestling Entertainment :: Date: March 8th, 2020

Holy fucking shit. This show is going to be terrible.

I don't watch WWE anymore. The television shows are fucking boring and I just can't muster up a fuck to give. However, for Smarkitude, I feel an obligation to check out the PPVs so I can write reviews and get all caught up on the nothingness that's happening in the WWE Universe. But holy shit. There's not even a world title match on this card.

The main event is a #1 contender's match for the women's title. It's not even FOR the women's title. What the fuck?


There are so many things I want to shit on, but I'm going to be patient and wait until they actually start happening. But Jesus fucking Christ. How is WWE going to shit on anyone else's booking in these documentaries they keep crapping out when they book shit like this?

We open the match with Drew Gulak vs. Daniel Bryan. I'd hate to see Drew's brother's powerpoint presentations. Yikes.

You know, I don't care about Andrade or Humberto, but Zelina Vega is cute. So this match suddenly matters.

Now we have the tag-team elimination chamber! This is gonna be chaos! And I barely care!

This match had it all: moves, bumps, tag-team assited moves, tag-team assisted bumps. But you know what it didn't have? My respect.

That's right. I said it. Fuck Otis too.

AJ Styles was in a throwaway match with Tattoos McGee, but that was all over when the bong got brought out.

Err, the Undertaker's bong noise that is.

This show also had Kevin Owens throwing popcorn in Seth Rollins' eyes. Eat butter, fucktard.

The entire women's chamber was just this horrendous Shayna Bedazzler burying the entire women's roster. My love of Asuka and Liv Morgan means nothing to WWE and it's pissing me off. So fuck this. I'm done with the chamber. I wash my hands of this garbage. Becky Lynch vs. Liv Morgan would have given me enough emotional stability to get me through the year, but no. I don't get nice things. So I'm done.

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A dark humor webzine brutally mocking professional wrestling.