The Plane Ride From Hell

Posted: September 13th, 2022

If you listen to some people's opinions, when you're on a plane you can't complain. But this plain ride was plane wrong... wait. Scratch that. Reverse it. There was actually a lot to comPLANE about. Haha. Nailed it.

Dark Side of the Ring recently did an episode about the Plane Ride From Hell that has gotten the world talking. They're pissed off at Ric Flair's penis, they're triggered at Tommy Dreamer's hair. And all anyone on social media has been saying is "when is Serkan Urchin going to talk about this!?" That's been the question all over television and news. Everyone wants my hot takes, because I'm such a national treasure and my views are what will save this world from the chaos it's currently in.

So here's the deal. I think airplanes are cool. They can fly. I can't fly. That's insane. Birds can fly. But I'm not a bird, and neither are you... I assume. I dunno. Norm Macdonald played a pidgeon on Mike Tyson Mysteries. Maybe birds can use computers. I don't know what the kids are up to these days. I'm not hip or with it. I'm just some yellow asshole. I ain't nothin'. My hair? Wack. My gear? Wack. My jewelry? Wack. My foot stance? Wack. The way that I talk? Wack. The way that I don't even like to smile? WACK. You? You're tight as FUCK. And I definitely can't skate transition.

Oh yeah, speaking of small things: Ric Flair's penis. That's what this episode should be called. Ric Flair's Penis.

I could see Chris Jericho commentating on it. "It was once a fully erect, beautiful cock. But years of boozing and pills turned it into a flacid shell of it's former self."

Mr. Perfect egged Bork Lazer into an altercation where they wrestled around like a couple jolly homosexuals on a plane, challenging the other to "just stick it in bro." Because that's what toxic masculinity is: a bunch of closeted gay men finding reasons to rub nipples with other closeted gay men. Apparently, they almost opened the door and flew out of it like Team Rocket. That would rule. Lesnar would have survived, and Hennig barely lived past that point anyway.

Don't do drugs, kids.

I never cared for Mr. Perfect's attitude. He thinks he's perfect. There's only one person who is truly perfect: and that's Mary-Kate and Ashley.

That's two people.

Twins is the same.

You got Goldust drunkenly singing to Terri Runnels and being told by Jim Ross to shut the fudge cup, ponytails getting cut off... and yes. Penis were doyoyoinged out. But what's most important to note in all of this is that Ric Flair is a piece of shit and so is Tommy Dreamer.

Yeah. Tommy Dreamer totally became a sexual assault apologist during the DSOTR episode. It was brutal.

Go watch the Dark Side Of The Ring episode. It's a fucking nightmare. Truly, a Plane Ride from Heck.