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AEW Dynamite (March 25th, 2020)

All Elite Wrestling :: Date: March 25th, 2020

Ladies and gentlemen... I am sad to announce that Jimmy Havoc has tested positive for McDonalds.

This is the second AEW Dynamite to take place in front of no crowd. I know I fucked up by not doing a recap on that one, but... fuck it. I got this shit now.

To sum up last week, Brodie Lee is The Exhausted One and Matt Hardy is here too. There. Now you know. Shut up.

Last week, they had babyfaces and heels surrounding the ring, but I guess now because of social distancing, they've got much less people hanging around. They do, however, keep cutting to the locker room where heels are making bets on matches in the back.

This show has WWF Superstars-levels of squash matches. I counted three different ones throughout the night. That'll put butts in the seats.

After Cody's match, Jake Roberts pops up on the Khantron and cuts a promo... and his voice is fucked. It sounds like he gave an exhaust pipe a blowjob.

Speaking of blowjob, Brandi Rhodes is doing the ring announcing. Sammy Gueverarerara has drawn a bunch of faces on papers, including Brandi's, and propped them up in the chairs outside the ring... and proceeded to make out with it.

brandikiss

Whatever, dude.

The Dark Order is actually becoming interesting. Why? Because it's literally just a parody of Vince McMahon now. Brody Lee is wearing a suit and yelling at people for sneezing.

Yeah. This is bananas.

In addition to that WWE-bashing, Cody won't stop mentioning how AEW's guardrails aren't padded like WWE's... thus they're better.

This is a bizarre show.

Jericho cut a promo on Vanguard 1 and called it a "piece of shit", and I'm pretty sure Matt Jackson is Matt Hardy's son. This was a good show and Brandi's skirt is cute.

But, on a note related to these empty arena shows and Hardy Boyz, Jeff Hardy returned to WWE in an empty arena recently... so here's a tribute to him.

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A dark humor webzine brutally mocking professional wrestling.