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AEW Dynamite (12/5/2019)

All Elite Wrestling :: Date: December 4th, 2019

Buckle up, bitch. This is the New F'n Dub.

That's right. The crowd's chanting A-E-Dub. I'm getting flashbacks... to last Wednesday, when they were also chanting this.

Jim Ross will not stop calling Trent by his WWE name. I smell a lawsuit... and then Cody Rhodes comes out, tells MJF that he can have his car keys (with a Hylian Shield keychain!) if he agrees to fight him... oh, and he gives $100 to a small child. The Jared Fogle approach.

Those of you who follow Nyla Rose on Twitter may be wondering, "what's her thot process?" Well rest assured. Someone's getting futtbucked tonight. And that's the Lady Librarian, who told Boy Librarian to shut the fudge cup. But they're still together. So whatever.

When Nyla powerbombed a referee through a table, they cut to Britt Baker in the crowd. Excalibur says "that's Adam Cole's girlfriend!" I lol'd. But then the FiteTV broadcast cut away and Schiavonne is clearly heard going "yup. I liked that." while him and JR take turns making mouth noises.

But now the Native Beast Chris Jericho is here! With Jake Swaygar. He's got a very glittery suit jacket. And glittery suit jackets kick ass.

By the way, just an aside: Brandi Rhodes is a terrible actor. But no worse than the fake fan at ringside who volunteered herself to be her weird baldslave.

I guess since AEW couldn't get CM Punk, they just decided to jack his Straight Edge Society storyline. Hey man. Fuck it.

And since we can't have CM Punk in AEW, here he is working a 50 second tag-spot with Cody Rhodes.

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A dark humor webzine brutally mocking professional wrestling.