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AEW Dynamite (11/27/2019)

All Elite Wrestling :: Date: November 27th, 2019

We open with giant presents in the ring. "Thank You" written in gold across the ropes. Virgil is in the ring (as Soul Train Jones). There's various mascots standing outside, like a clown and Humpty Dumpty.

Jericho has taped coupons for $0.50 off a Chris Jericho t-shirt underneath the seats. He's drinking officially licensed Little Bit of the Bubbly champagne with Virgin. Jericho's been officially named a member of the Latino race. He's got sandals, Vick's vapo rub, his own father---

Which is funny. They opened a giant box to find his dad, and I could find my dad if I opened a box. More specifically, a casket.

Justin Roberts got the shit kicked out of him for his troubles, SCU saves the day, a boring asshole shows up to do commentary, the Lucha Bros sneak attack Best Friends, I have lungs filled with sadness and Orange Cassidy is dressed like a turkey.

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I fucking love Orange Cassidy.

I'm confused as to why this State Farm guy is here doing commentary. He fucking sucks.

During the women's match, Jim Ross says "Freddy Mercury has never looked so oriental--- err, Asian."

God damn it. Don't take Jim Ross away from me.

While Cody's cutting a promo gloating about smashing a jobber's ass in, a couple dudes randomly show up to kick the fuck out of him. Jim Ross, like myself, has no idea who the fuck these people are. But Excalibur keeps screaming "THE BUTCHER AND THE BLADE!"

During their match for... uh... a ring... because rings are cool? I don't know. But MJF struts like Ric Flair and screams "BETTER THAN YOU!" and then spiddles all over himself.

It wasn't a "John Cena saying The Rock" sized loogie but it was pretty decent.

drgirlfriend
Dr. Girlfriend: "Scorpio Sky should have those S symbols on his pants that kids drew in middle school."

Hell yeah. That would rule.

Also I don't know if Scorpio Sky was checking in with his girlfriend or if that's just some girl he wants to give his BBC to but she's pretty cute. I'd give her my BBC too if I had one. Maybe I could grow one like those Japanese cartoons everyone seems to enjoy so much.

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A dark humor webzine brutally mocking professional wrestling.