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AEW Dynamite (10/23/2019)

All Elite Wrestling :: Date: October 23rd, 2019

Tonight's show opened straight up with the Lucha Bros. vs. Private Party in the tag tournament. No intro. No chance to grab a capri sun. I'm fucking irate.

Tony Schiavonne says "this match may come down to who can outlast the other."

...isn't that like... the entire point of wrestling?

Private Party are honestly probably the greatest tag-team that I'm aware of right now. They're really good.

Not to say the Lucha Bros. aren't great too. They totally are, and they won the match and advance in the tournament. But Private Party busted out cooler shit in this match.

We then get interrupted by a Bowflex ad---

Wait, this is actually a vignette for some guy named Wardslow.


That name fucking suuuuucks. Holy shit.


The Super Smash Bros.--- oh, I'm sorry. The Dark Order... whatever. Anyway. They're taking on SCU in the other semi-final match for the tag-team tournament. I don't understand this gimmick. They walk to the ring with a bunch of masked shirtless dudes, who then form a throne for the fat one.

I'm keeping my eye on Lady Ref. I'd gladly put on a mask and let her sit on me.

(I'm joking, don't call me creepy.)

(...I mean, she could sit on me if she wanted to. I'm just not seeking it out.)

(I don't get off on the idea of being a human chair.)

(But I'm not against it either.)

Everybody in this fucking match is bald.

Planet Jericho shows up in the crowd and navigates toward the sky box, where they mock both Joey Janela and Kenny Omega. Cody Rhodes came out after that match to try to do an in-ring interview with Tony Schiavonne, but Planet Jericho start blowing airhorns into microphones and screaming "BOOOOO!" to berate them. Jericho tells Cody to suck his Millennium Dick because it's 4 on 1, but then Cody is backed up by Reddust, DDP and MJF. The Roads of Cody vs. the Walls of Jericho are in effect.

Planet Jericho hides in a back room but Cody puts MJF's scarf around his hand and punches through a glass window to get to Jericho, which leads to a brawl in the hallways of the arena.

Whatever, man.

They aired a vignette for Britt Baker trying to get Pittsburgh to cheer for her by calling it "Brittsburgh." It's the cringiest shit I've seen in a while. But what's worse is that the people actually fucking bought into it and are holding up signs for it. That is fucking embarassing.

While the bipolar British chick that Britt Baker beat up is getting interviewed, a newly goth Brandi Rhodes attacks her from behind. It was really confusing and I don't actually know what the fuck that was about.

Then Jon Moxley comes out, but is jumped from behind by Pac. It's chaos in the AEW, folks.

But don't you worry, this standard 1v1 match is gonna go off without a hitch.

There's an awful lot of wrestling on this show.

After 20 minutes of moves and bumps, we get a time limit draw. Moxley DDT's the referee, JR goes "that'll cost ya some money" and then Moxley mutters "time limit my ass" like 3 times. That's it. That's the show.

...this show fucking sucks. The only interesting thing to happen on this was the Jericho/Cody thing. At least at the end of NXT they had Frog Face turn heel. But even then, fucking every wrestling show right now sucks dick.

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A dark humor webzine brutally mocking professional wrestling.